Dakota Smith Rants

I’ve given up having a “relationshipâ€? with a woman.

Maybe it’s that at 41 I’ve been screwed-over by women one too many times. Maybe it’s that every man I’ve ever talked to has been screwed-over by women one too many times. Maybe it’s that every man alive – regardless of his age – has been screwed-over by women one too many times. Maybe it’s that when looking as far back into recorded history as you care, men have been screwed-over by women.

Well, I’ve finally gotten the message and have sworn off women forever. Instead, I’m saving up for an AndyDroid.

AndyDroids are custom manufactured by a German company called “First Androids.” As a science fiction fan, I’ve followed the robotics industry for my entire life, and I agree with the First Androids company: these are the first that truly deserve the title “android.” Or perhaps more correctly, “gyndroid,” since all the company’s models are designed to appear female.

The AndyDroid is a life-sized, anatomically-correct, remarkably lifelike robotic simulation of a woman. It can simulate breathing, body heat, eyes that follow one when one moves, limited vocal response to situations, and so on. While nowhere near what we’ve come to expect from TV andoids like Star Trek’s Data, it’s clear that the AndyDroid is a dramatic step in that direction.

Furthermore, like Data, the AndyDroid is fully functional sexually.

Until recently I would have thought that an android was for losers. I assumed that only a man with no social skills, no looks, and no life would need to buy one.

I’m not a man like that: I’ve had girlfriends and lovers. I lost my virginity at age 16 (at a time when that was still rare). I was married for thirteen years and have two children that I love with all my heart.

An AndyDroid couldn’t be for me, could it?

I recently had occasion to reexamine my own experience with women and compare it to that of other men. What I found was shocking and undeniable: every man I talked to has experiences that mirror mine. In each case, very rarely did a relationship deteriorate for any reason other than the failings of the woman.

Understand that I’m not claiming to be perfect. I’ve made mistakes, and these have occasionally contributed to failed relationships.

What men are usually guilty of is as nothing compared to the standard behavior exhibited by the average woman.

In the first place, the fact is that women don’t like “nice guys.â€? They may say that they do, but they’re lying (usually to themselves). Women prefer men who are self-centered, callous jerks at best and violent drunks at worst. When presented with a “nice guyâ€? who listens to them, cares about their feelings, and tries to satisfy their needs, women inevitably grow bored.

Ordinarily, this would teach “nice guysâ€? like myself to become callous jerks, but for some reason it’s not in our nature. We keep looking for that “one special person who will appreciate us for who we are.â€?

In fact, no such woman exists. Instead, women constantly vie to be the center of attention in every situation. Chaos and artificial drama reign wherever they go. They nag, bitch, and carry on. They lie to your face and never bat an eyelash. They’re vain and spiteful.

They never once even consider that their behavior might be immoral, unethical, or just downright selfish.

They make lousy companions. They’re all smiles and excitement when doing what they want to do. When doing what the man wants to do, they drag their feet and make no effort to disguise their boredom. They make a point of getting even with the man later – sometimes much later – for forcing them to participate.

They’re a constant drain on a man’s finances. Under the best of circumstances, men pay for dinners, movies, events, etc. Under the worst, men end up paying for women’s every whim for the rest of their lives.

Does any man truly have a conception of how much money has been spent courting women and then in maintenance? How many men have loaned women “emergency money� for rent, groceries, utilities, etc. that was never repaid?

If a man wants children, he should be prepared to raise them himself even if he’s married. What’s more likely is that she’ll divorce him for a man with more money, use the children as a bargaining chip, and take him for every penny.

Women are rotten parents, unable to think of anything but their own selfish interests. If the children get in the way of their interests, they rationalize it as, “the children can’t be happy unless I’m happy.â€?

Then there’s the issue of fidelity. In a 2002 Canada Globe and Mail article, it was reported that researchers have discovered that 10% of all children weren’t sired by the woman’s husband.

Consider that for a moment: 10% of all children have a father other than their familial one. Since not every sexual intercourse leads to pregnancy (indeed, as a father, I know it really can be work to produce a child), this hints at tremendous numbers of women who routinely cheat on their husbands. If one out of ten are getting pregnant by someone else, how many are cheating but are smart enough to use birth control? 50%? 75%? No study can adequately guage, because the majority of women would lie to the poll-taker.

Do women bring emotional support to a relationship? No, they’re more likely to kick the man when he’s down than to help him to his feet.

There was a time when a man who lost his job could seek solace from his wife. She would put her arms around him, kiss him and say, “I’m not worried. I know you’ll be on your feet in no time. We’ll tighten our belts for a while, but I have faith in you.�

Today, if the man loses his job, the woman will scream, “I knew you were a loser!� and be searching for a hotter prospect before he even has a chance to sit down.

Do women make good, home-cooked meals? No, modern women know less about cooking than men. They make the same microwavable dinners as men. If a man wants a home-cooked meal, he better learn how to cook for the woman.
Do women provide a clean, well-ordered home? No, along with cooking, women abandoned housekeeping when they got themselves “liberated.� Men were required to pick up the slack, and now men keep house at least as well or better than women.

Do women even provide men with a regular sex life? No, men have far more sex before they’re married than after. Furthermore, after women have all the children she thinks she wants, men can look forward to a life of abstinence.

What sex woman deign to provide is generally lackluster. The man will usually orgasm, but the lovemaking is uninspired and boring.

My last girlfriend was the most fantastic lover I’ve ever had, but she suffered from BiPolar Personality Disorder. Hypersexuality is a common symptom of BiPolar.

That’s right: the cold, plain truth of the matter is that if a woman wants and enjoys sex as much as a man, there’s something wrong with her psyche.

Normal “well-adjusted� women are uninspiring lovers. They tend to just lay there. They don’t have any concept of the male body, nor do they appear to have any interest in exploring it. If a man wants them to do something, he must provide blueprints, step-by-step instructions, and a set of motivational tapes.

One interesting aspect of women’s incompetence in the bedroom is reflected on the magazine stands. Every week, one can find titles such as Cosmo and Seventeen that purport to tell women how to drive a man wild in bed. The content of these articles uniformly devolves to, “Fool around, experiment, and see what he likes.â€?

Men don’t need to have that obvious concept explained to them. Men fool around and experiment with our lover’s body because we enjoy it.

Furthermore,women might deign to perform sex acts that men enjoy — but grudgingly, and they bitch about it afterward. When men perform sex acts that women enjoy, they simply decide that satisfying her is more important than any short-term discomfort we might have and then do it.

Men don’t complain about it for a week afterward.

What would a woman do if a man bitched about sex the way she does? The woman would become spiteful, giving the man the cold shoulder for weeks and withholding sex until she felt he’d learned his lesson.

Furthermore, women are incapable of appreciating a good lover when they have one. I don’t mind saying that I’m quite good in bed. I’m not well-endowed and I don’t look like Brad Pitt, but I work hard and I use a variety of accoutrements to make absolutely sure that my lover enjoys herself.

It’s wasted effort, as it turns out. Giving a woman pleasure is something a man should do because he enjoys it, not for the woman’s sake. Women may enjoy the pleasure a man gives them, but not nearly as much as they enjoy bitching to their friends when they aren’t satisfied.

In the long term, you give your lover more pleasure by not satisfying her, because it provides fodder for endless cell phone calls to all of her girlfriends.

In all seriousness, what does a human woman have that a RealDoll doesn’t? A certain level of interactivity in bed, and that’s all. Given that most women just lie there anyway, is that additional interactivity worth all the chaos and financial ruin that a human woman will bring a man?

The sad, inescapable truth is that women are so amoral, expensive, and useless that they aren’t worth having a relationship with.

Consider:

• An AndyDroid isn’t a great companion, but so what? Neither is a woman.
• An AndyDroid isn’t emotionally supportive, but so what? Neither are women.
• An AndyDroid won’t make a home-cooked meal, but so what? Neither do women.
• An AndyDroid won’t keep house, but so what? Neither do women.
• An AndyDroid won’t be a fantastic lover, but so what? Neither are women.

Sure, it’ll cost as much as a mid-ranged SUV, but that’s a one-time purchase. A woman will demand several cars over the course of a marriage, and the man will have to put up with a selfish, spiteful, vain, deceptive, gossip-mongering, greedy, cheating bitch.

Even if you’re one of the few men left in the modern world whose wife hasn’t divorced him for a man with more money, do you really want to be stuck with a selfish, spiteful, vain, deceptive, gossip-mongering, greedy, cheating bitch for the rest of your life?

An AndyDroid isn’t selfish. It’s not spiteful. It’s not vain. It will never lie. It will never gossip with its girlfriends. It will never cheat on you.

Given what modern women have become, the AndyDroid sounds like the perfect woman to grow old with.